picking the venue

Picking a venue has been so far the hardest decision about the whole wedding planning process. After we got back from Disney World, I jumped right into researching wedding venues. I toyed with the idea of having a destination wedding to Charleston, one of my favorite cities and close to Matt’s grandmom, but came to the conclusion that it would be super expensive, as Charleston is one of the most popular wedding destinations in America. Plus, for someone who is detail oriented, Type A and a bit of a micro-manager, planning a wedding from five-plus hours away seemed like a very bad idea.

So, I started researching wedding venues in Raleigh and the surrounding area.

Since there are a TON of venues in the area, I had to narrow my search down a bit. I decided that I wanted to have the ceremony and reception at the same venue, mainly because it is so much easier for guests and also the bridal party when you can just stay in one place. That crossed off a lot of options, including churches, hotels, and the typical reception halls. Most places that have the ceremony and reception in the same location do the ceremony outside, which I wasn't opposed to.

At this point Matt and I didn't have a wedding date picked out, just a specific time of year – the spring. Why the spring? Summers in North Carolina are brutal, winters are too cold, Fall would make for an almost two-year engagement, and so the spring seemed right. Plus, peonies are my favorite flower, and they happen to be in season in the springtime. No brainer.

I thought originally about getting married Easter weekend, but Easter is early next year, April 3^rd. Matt brought up the point that there may be a lot of pollen (for those of you unaware, the pollen season in North Carolina is TERRIBLE. The air is thick with yellow, and it coats the cars, houses, pretty much everything), so we quickly vetoed that idea. We decided on asking venues about dates in late May, as we figured we would be clear of the pollen and the weather would be more pleasant.

Now, I could get to work.

Researching wedding venues was very overwhelming. It helped that I knew some things that I wanted, but when I tell you that I looked at every venue in the area, I am not lying. Most didn't match the feel I was going for, were too expensive, or just not right, so those were quickly scrapped.  As I started researching, I realized that I was drawn to venues that had a “Southern” vibe to them (big, sprawling plantation homes), and over the course of two months went to look at five venues – Fearrington Village, Hudson Manor, Highgrove, The Oaks at Salem, and The Sutherland.

Two out of the five became quick “no’s” for me as soon as I got to the venue. Hudson Manor was one of them. On the outside, the house was gorgeous, but the inside was not as nice, and the owners of the venue lived upstairs, which weirded Matt out a bit. Only the bridal party had access to the house. The grounds were beautifully landscaped, even in the winter. I liked that they had a little chapel on the property, in case it rained. But, the reception was held in a building that looked very much like a dated hall, and they only provided buffets (I wanted a plated dinner). The parking for me was another big negative – people had to park in the grass. I knew that if I was attending a wedding and had to park in the grass and/or mud (if it rained), I would not be happy. The final deal breaker was the owner herself, who just rubbed me the wrong way.

The next “no” was The Oaks at Salem. Again, the venue was owned by a woman who lived there as well, but the guests could go into the house. While the cars were parked on the grass like the previous venue, there was valet parking, which was nice. The ceremony was held outside under a giant oak tree with a pond in the background, and the reception was on the patio with the pond as a backdrop – both beautiful locations. But, the whole venue gave off the vibe that you were just getting married in a rich person’s house, and it didn't seem like an actual wedding venue.

The next two venues were closes “yeses” for me, but in the end I said no to both of them. Highgrove quickly became a favorite of mine. I loved the house and the fact that the guests could go into the house and enjoy it as well (as I started looking at venues I realized how important it was to me for people to be able to go into the house if they pleased, partly because of the price of these venues, which were not cheap, and partly because I wanted my guests to have the full experience of the venue). The ceremony overlooking the lake was gorgeous, and the reception area was nice too, with a big stone fireplace at the end of the room. But, I didn't like the rain option, which was to have to guests sit at their tables in the reception hall, while the ceremony would be conducted in front of the fireplace. The idea of having guests sit at the tables was not appealing to me at all, and seemed tacky and distracting. My parents offered extra money to have the room flipped for both the ceremony and reception, but the manager refused. I was disappointed, but realized that in the end, Highgrove probably wasn't the right venue for me, if I was uneasy about the rain option.

Fearrington Village was almost the winner. It had everything, including multiple ceremony locations, a beautiful open air reception area, and offered delicious food from the restaurant on-site, the only AAA Five-Diamond restaurant in the state of North Carolina. The bridal party got ready in the honeymoon hotel suite, which was also on-site. The rain option was acceptable. It was perfect. The price tag, however, was not, and if I wanted to make it work for our budget, I’d have to cut down the guest list (we currently have a little over 100 guests on the list) and go with a buffet meal, both of which I really wanted to avoid. So, I said goodbye to Fearrington Village and started looking again.

There was still one major venue in the area that I hadn't looked at yet, except briefly online. My co-worker was getting married at The Sutherland in October of this year, and I was trying to avoid her venue, mostly because I didn't want her to think I was copying her, even though it kept coming up in my thoughts. But, after all four “no’s,” I figured it was time to take a look at The Sutherland.

When I stepped on the grounds, I knew it was the one. Old fashioned gas lamps light the path from the parking lot to the ceremony, which is held in a walled garden with immaculate landscaping. The house itself hosts the bridal party before the ceremony, and afterwards, the guests are free to explore the house. The groom and groomsmen get ready in a cabin dating back to the 1700s, which sits on the property. Cocktail hour is on the back patio, overlooking a giant oak tree. The newly finished open-air pavilion hosts the reception, which also doubles as the rain option for the ceremony.

It was perfect. Matt and I decided on a Friday date to save some costs, and after skipping over the extra 20 percent for Memorial Day weekend, decided on May 29, 2015.

I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea about the places that I didn't like, so I will add this disclaimer: just because these places didn't work for me, doesn't mean they were bad venues. They all were beautiful, and all had positives. It’s just that, for me, the venues that I didn't choose had negatives that I couldn't see past, and decided to pass on. I've seen pictures of weddings done at each of the four venues that I didn't choose that were absolutely gorgeous.

Missed a Wedding Wednesday post? Here's our engagement story, choosing the colors, and choosing the bridal party.